My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
