If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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