Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
