wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
