God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
