hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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