Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
