This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
