All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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