I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
