Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
