where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
