meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
