I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
