were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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