doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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