Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
