in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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