you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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