if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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