great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
