I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
