I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
