I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
