Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
