Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
