You're my little dorito
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
