Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
