I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
