Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
