I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
