Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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