Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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