I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
