How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
