so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So squirting runs in the family.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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