i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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