mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
