I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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