oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
