hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You smell like a Billy Joel song
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
