I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
