Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
God I need to hump something, right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
