WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
