These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
