chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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