Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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