I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
