she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
