Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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