Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
