it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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