Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
