The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There was a lot of him and a little penis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
